It is my birthday next friday . I wish I could turn the clock back not for me to be younger just to change certain things . Maybe I could have been more assertive and got mam to go to the doctors earlier . I tried and tried but she knew how to work me . She was scared of what she would be told too . She didn't want to go into hospital , who would see to dad no one could look after him as she did and that was true . I will miss the card made specially for me . My little gift most of all though I will miss mam .